Something in the water?

It seems like everybody is getting pregnant. Several of my wife's co-workers are pregnant. Our friend Tonya is due in about a month. My boss's wife is about 10 weeks pregnant. Last week, I noticed that Lisa, at work, looked like she might be pregnant. Today, I found out that this is true. One of our consultants, Ben from France, just had a baby. David, also a co-worker, just now told me that his wife is about 8 weeks pregnant. He says that they are going to do their first sonogram today. When he told me, his eyes started watering a bit. When it comes to having babies, I don't think most guys are as "tough" as they pretend to be....
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There must be something in the water...

Farther than we've been before.

Over the telephone, my wife just informed me that we have made it farther along than we did in our previous pregnancies. Today, we are 8 days further along than we were during our first miscarriage and 7 days further along than our second.

I'll be home tomorrow evening and hope to celebrate. She wants to go to Double Stink Hog farm. Double stink is a pumpkin farm with a sort of carnival atmosphere. It'll be a nice change of pace from my hectic indoor office life. I can't wait to get home!

All is well...

I haven't posted for a few days. So, I thought I'd give you an update.
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The other day, she broke up a fight at the school where she teaches. I asked her to not break up any more fights, for fear that she might get hurt.
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As soon as I came home last night and we hopped in the car to go out of town together. This time to see her parents in Clay County, Kentucky. Friday was her dad's birthday. She showed her parents the bruises on her belly. The bruising is caused by blood thinner shots that have to be injected into her stomach. Other than this minor inconvenience, we have no complaints.
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Today, we went to the chicken festival in London, Kentucky. My wife was looking at baby clothes, but we didn't buy anything.

Cramps

Today, she says that she's having cramps. I assume that this is natural as her insides are all re-arranging right now. Since there is no bleeding, I am not very worried.

Sharing Stories of Difficult Pregnancies

If any of you reading this have the same problem or know someone who does, please share your stories. I'd love to have some positive news to share with my wife.

I am hoping that, after we have a successful birth, that this blog will provide a bit of hope and comfort for others in the same situation. I can't wait to post pictures of our baby who is due in May, 2006.

Today, I am in Nashville

Today is the kickoff for the project team in Nashville. For the next 9 months, I will be commuting between here and Lexington. Monday through Thursday I will be out of town. In some ways I feel bad for being away. But, at the same time, I feel very good about being on this project team. It is the best and brightest of everyone in my company, world wide. It provides me with the expertise and contacts to insure a very successful career. And, it provides more income than we had previously. So, I am building a better future, or at least a more economically stable one.

I watched my wife give herself her shot last night. She still took forever to build up courage to do it. But it seems to be getting easier for her. I just spoke to her on the phone and forgot to ask how tonight's shot went.

I think that my wife's next doctor's appointment is October 13th. Our doctor is off on Fridays, my only weekday in Lexington. This means that it will be very difficult for me to attend her appointments. I think I'll try my best to arrange it so that I can attend this next appointment.

I love my wife and wish I could be there for her. When we discussed my taking this job, it was before we knew that she was pregnant.

Needles

My wife waited until last night to take her first injection of blood thinners. Fortunately, she's had lots of practice giving allergy shots to our dog. Regardless, she was afraid to give the shot to herself. Knowing that I'd be gone most days, she wanted to do it herself. I stood there while she shivered and cried, afraid to poke herself in the stomach. Finally, she built up enough courage to do it. Then she said, "that didn't hurt." It'll be interesting to see if she has difficulty giving herself the short today.

The Sonogram - Our Baby's First Picture

Yesterday, when I got home from Pennsylvania, my wife showed me our baby's first picture...

She says that after having seen the picture, she can't help but get more excited. The heart beat was visible but not audible. I'm very sad that I had to miss seeing the heart beat... Next week, I'll be in Nashville for 5 days. When we make it through next week, we'll have gone farther than we did on the last two pregnancies. I'm very, very concerned about being gone next week. But it is the kick-off week for the project that my new job is all about. I have instructed my wife to call me if there is any spotting or bleeding. I can't help feeling guilty about being gone. But, if there is any trouble, home is only a three hour drive away...

A critical day missed

Today, I am in Pennsylvania. I had to miss my wife's first official doctor's visit. She is around 7 weeks now. The sonogram results say that she is closer to 6 weeks. They gave her a prescription for a blood thinner to be injected daily. The doctor says that he can not say for sure whether it will help. It seems there is a great deal of controversy on blood thinners to treat this. She tells me that she is afraid to poke herself with the needle.... I feel awful that I had to miss today. I can't wait to see the sonogram pictures....

Oh, the places you will go...

Today, my boss asked me if I'd like to be on a Canadian project team. This new assignment would entail working in Toronto four days a week. I have a similar schedule now, but I will be commuting to Nashville for 9 months. Nashville is only a 3 hour drive.... Toronto would entail airplanes, passing through customs, etc... I need to be where I can get home quickly if there are any problems (or births) at home. Needless to say, I told him that I'd rather stick with the Nashville project team....

A Dream my Wife had

Yesterday, my wife told me about a dream....

She was going into labor early. We went to the hospital. They told her it would be okay, but she kept telling them that it was too early. The baby's head was coming out. They told her to go home. She tried to tell them that the baby's head was hanging out but they did not seem concerned.

One of the nurses handed her two small jars and said, "We're not supposed to do this." The jars contained the remains of Brendan and Emily, our previous miscarriages.

Genetics - Like Mother, Like Daughter

My wife's mother had a very difficult pregnancy with her second child. I am told that the placenta was tearing away and that she almost lost her baby. I have a theory that she might be the one who had the gene and that the MTHFR mutation might be what caused her difficulties. But one can only wonder why it'd have been a problem with the second child and not the first...

Dealing with a Risky Pregnancy

I have noticed that my wife and I are dealing with this pregnancy a bit differently than the first two. For example, we've not discussed names at all. During the first two pregnancies, we talked almost constantly about potential baby names. Another difference is that we have not been looking in the baby department while shopping. I think we are subconsciously trying not to get too emotionally involved in this pregnancy. I'm not sure how long it'll take before we are a bit more positive and excited about it.... I think my wife is a bit in denial about the whole situation. She seems to be trying not to think about being pregnant. I guesst his is just her way of coping with the situation. I'm guessing that things will change, probably after the first tri-mester has passed.

Can We Get a Two Door Car?

Now that my wife has a full time job, she wants to buy a new car. She has had her heart set on buying a Volkswagen new beetle. However, now she doesn't know if to get it. Everyone in our family keeps telling us that you can't easily get a baby into the safety seat in a two door vehicle. Have any of you had any experience with baby seats and two door vehicles?

Our New Hope, a Third Pregnancy

My wife's mother, father, and 12 year old sister came to celebrate my wife's 25th birthday. They came up a day early for the Sunday party. Her Mom discovered a home-pregnancy EPT test that we had just bought at the grocery store. The cat was somewhat out of the bag now. She knew that we thought that we might be pregnant. Sunday morning, took the test. Yes, we are pregnant again. Third time's a charm... I hope.
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We let both of our families know on Sunday that we were expecting. Everyone congratulated us, but I could tell that they were all worried.
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My wife had been taking baby aspirins for the last two weeks of every menstrual cycle, just in case she were pregnant. She'd also been taking prenatal vitamins w/ folate, etc. This was to prevent a miscarriage due to the MTHFR mutation.
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This all took place on labor day weekend. So, first thing, Tuesday, she called the doctor. The appointment was not for almost two weeks! I then called the doctors office myself to remind them that she had the MTHFR mutation and that it was very important to run some tests and possibly start taking blood thinners. The nurses were to talk with the doctor and call me back. They decided that my wife should come in immediately for some blood work. They took about 5 tubes of blood from her. We are not positive yet as to what tests they are conducting. The next day, they called and asked for her to come back and give one more vile of blood. We did so. I'm not positive, but I think they were looking for her homocystine levels. They recommended sticking with just the aspirin and vitamins at this time. She is to go back for an office visit on Thursday September 15 (five days from today). I am unable to go with her as I already had a business trip planned that can not be re-scheduled. I wonder if I should feel bad about not going with her? I'm afraid of what I might not hear. How much will she remember clearly enough to tell me about later? I want to soak up every possible piece of information, as I believe that knowledge is power.
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This pregnancy worries me to death. I am very scared that she might start bleeding or miscarry while I am out of town, on business. I know that if something should go wrong that she'll need me by her side, supporting her. But then again, I will usually only be a three hour car ride away... And what of her job? She will be due in May, one month before school is let out. Will this mean that they won't hire her back for a second year? I'm not sure what the policies are with first year teachers. This will take a bit of research.

New Careers Impacting Life Styles

In July, I accepted a new job. This new job was supposed to require my working in Paris, France two to three weeks every month. Most of the people on this project team were alternating weeks between Paris and the United States. Deciding on whether or not to take the job was very difficult. Doing so would mean that I'd only be home with my wife about 1/3 to 1/2 the time. And, if she were to get pregnant and have complications, I'd have a difficult time getting home quickly. However, it was also a dream-job, an opportunity that might not ever come happen again. After much deliberation, we decided that we'd give it a shot. I asked my wife to give it a year. After which, if it was stressing our relationship, I'd quit and find something else.
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As fate would have it, I ended up not working in France after all. It was decided to move the North American project team's headquarters from Paris, France to Nashville, Tennessee, USA. I was to remain working in Kentucky until September 19th, 2005. Afterwards, I'd be spending 4 days a week in Nashville for the next nine months. The car trip takes about three hours. I am to be there by noon (EST) on Monday and get to leave mid-afternoon on Thursday. This means that I'll be home all weekends and able to get back to Lexington quickly if necessary. It is still a great deal of travel, but it beats spending every other Sunday and alternating Saturday at airports, flying half way around the world. It also means that I'll be spending four nights each week sleeping at home next to my lovely wife.

In August, my wife also got a new job. She would be teaching English as a Second Language (ESL) at a middle school in Lexington. This was not her ideal job. Her college degree was in middle grades English and History. ESL has many unique demands and requires tracking and planning for each student individually. There is a great deal more paperwork and less repetitiveness than teaching "normal" subjects. The new job is keeping her extremely busy. The high-demanding work and stress seems to be doing a wonderful job of keeping her mind off of the past miscarriages. She has been working there now, for over a month. I have noticed that she is no longer extremely depressed. She is more tired and more stressed out, but no longer as sad. She still has a ways to go though, before I'd consider her genuinely happy.

Our Second Pregnancy

This time, my wife and I decided to not tell anyone but close family that she was pregnant. Once we'd passed day # 28 of the cycle, the day on which Brendan was lost, I let my guard down. And, I let a few people at work know about the pregnancy. We were still frightened, but were optimistic about the outcome. But, during week number eight, things turned bad. It started out the same as the first time, with light spotting. The bleeding intensified.
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I took off of work to be with my wife. We went into the doctor's office and did an ultrasound/sonogram, or whatever it is called. The placed the device up inside of her and showed us our baby on the screen. It had a hart beat. We were told that the heart beat showed that the baby was doing alright. They didn't think that there would be a miscarriage this time. She was given a prescription for progesterone. We then took our sonogram pictures and went home. Late that night (or early morning), I awoke to screaming. It was a bone chilling scream. One that will haunt me to the end of my days. My wife was losing the baby. A large blood clot went into the toilet. I fetched it out with a spaghetti strainer and placed it into a baggy. We went to the doctor's office first thing in the morning. A sonogram showed no heart beat and no baby this time. The flesh within my baggy was given to them to run more tests on.
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We were told that we had an option to do a series of tests on the fetus and ourselves to determine the cause of the miscarriage. But, they also told us that they usually do not run any of these tests until after miscarriage number three. I understand that chance plays a role here, but I think it is absurd to risk yet another young. We did not want to go through a third attempt miscarriage if it could be avoided. So, I told them to run every test that the insurance would cover. We definitely didn't want to go through this again if it could be avoided.
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A week later, we got our test results. We made an appointment to see the doctor. When we got there, he had a "medical emergency" happening and was on his way out to go to an emergency room. He told us he couldn't meet with us. But, then, he decided to see us briefly. We had about a 10 minute talk about the findings. It was very rushed, but I recall just about every word. My DNA was fine. But, my wife's showed a chromosome mutation on one of her MTHFR genes. This is a blood clotting disorder that he believed was causing blood clots to form in the placenta. He seemed to think that a baby aspirin a day could have saved our baby. He also said that they might prescribe Heperine (a stronger blood thinner) when we got pregnant again. I wish we had made another appointment to discuss in more detail, but we didn't. Instead, I spent many long hours reading about this clotting disorder on the internet.
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Outside of the pregnancy issue, the disorder poses some other risks. It means my wife has a higher chance of developing cardiovascular disorders and strokes later in life. However, since she only had the mutation on one of her X chromosomes, rather than both, that the increased risk was not even as great as that of a tobacco smoker.
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Upon hearing this news, my wife became seriously depressed. The depression lasted about six months. I think she felt inferior and considered herself "defective". She took a defeatist attitude, thinking that she could never have a healthy baby. She kept telling me that she was a failure. She said that not only could she not bare children, but that she couldn't find a job. I'm not sure if she understood that I too was mourning, just not in the same way. I constantly tried to remind her that knowing the cause meant that we could treat it the next time around. We finally had the information that would allow us to protect the baby. Something as simple as an aspirin a day could save the next one. I felt that we could beat this thing. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. But, she seemed to only see darkness. I worried that she might become suicidal. She wasn't working and didn't seem to have a desire to do much of anything. I tried my best to help. But, all I could really do is tell her that I'd be here for her. Her depression was making it difficult for me to stay positive. I felt like we were both going down further and further.
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In July, I got a promotion at work. This boosted my mood a little bit. In August, my wife got a job teaching at a middle school. It wasn't exactly the job she wanted, but it was a job none-the-less. The work kept her so busy that she didn't have time to brood over negative things. While the work was stressful, I think it was exactly what she needed to take her out of the rut she'd been wallering in.
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With regards to this miscarriage, we thought that we should give the child a name. The name we chose came from a dream of mine that I had while my wife was pregnant. The following is a document that I wrote to honor her and the name we chose:
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Emily Elizabeth _____
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Conceived March 17th, 2005
Lost April 26, 2005
Expected Birth December 9th, 2005.
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Emily - Ambitious. From the Roman family name Aemilius, which was derived from Latin aemulus meaning "rival".
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Elizabeth - From Elisabet, the Greek form of the Hebrew name Elisheba meaning "my God is an oath" or perhaps "my God is abundance". In the New Testament this is the name of the mother of John the Baptist.
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Shortly before her conception, her father... had a dream. In this dream, he held a beautiful, curly haired, baby girl. Her name was “Emily Elizabeth”. The dream seemed very real and was thought to be a possible premonition. It was a name that he and (his wife) had not previously discussed. Lovingly, (he) began referring to the baby in (her) belly as “Emily Elizabeth”. (She), at first, thought it a bit strange, as “Emily Elizabeth” is the name of the little girl from the serious of books called Clifford The Big Red Dog. But, deep down, we both loved the name.
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We were ambitious in our attempt to conceive Emily. And, through this attempt, we learned about the single MTHFR gene and how it had caused blood clots in the placenta. Through EmilyÂ’s sacrifice, her siblings may live. We are grateful for her contribution.
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We never met you, but we will miss you.

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Our First Pregnancy - Honoring the Dead

While at the hospital, we grudgingly gave up the discharged flesh for testing. If it were the fetus, then my wife would not have to be scraped out and we could let things take their natural course. Both of us wanted to keep it, bury it, honor it. But, we didn't. We let the doctors take it. And, we are not sure what ever became of it.
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As stated in the last post, my wife suggested that we give the baby a name. We named it "Brendan Jacob...". The following is a copy of a document that I wrote to remember him and his name.
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Brendan Jacob ____

Conceived around August 27th, 2004.

Lost October 6th, 2004.

Expected Birth May 22nd, 2005.

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Brendan - Irish in origin and means "Little Raven". Due to their dark color and the traditional association of death and blackness, many cultures viewed ravens as intermediaries between us and the afterlife. Others associated them with sorrow and dying. In Australia, the raven is a bird of sorrows. He takes the sadness from humanity and flies away with it. The raven's mournful call reflects the burden he carries.

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Jacob - Old Testament son of Isaac; father of the twelve patriarchs of Israel. Jacob's ladder can be interpreted as the connection between heaven and earth, man and god. It is also sometimes depicted as a stairway to heaven. See Genesis 28: 11-14:

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"And he lighted upon a certain place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took of the stones of that place, and put them for his pillows, and lay down in that place to sleep. And he dreamed, and behold a ladder [scalam] set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven, and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it."

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We never knew you, but we will miss you.

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Losing Brendan was hard. We were told that 1 in 6 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. This was somewhat comforting to me. I hoped that this was just a fluke, a stroke of bad luck. We decided that some day, we'd try again.

Our First Pregnancy

My wife first became pregnant about a year ago. We took a home pregnancy test and were not sure if it was positive or negative. There was a very pale line on the test stick. So, we went to the doctor to have a blood test done. Sure enough, she was pregnant. We were both very excited. Without delay, we told friends, family, and co-workers the good news. Some family members gave us small gifts (baby clothing, etc.). I had bought a pregnancy journal for my wife to record her thoughts. Every time we were in the car together, we'd discuss baby names. Often, we'd jokingly pick the worst name imaginable just to see what reaction we'd get from each other.

There is a superstition that a pendulum can be used to divine the sex of the fetus. Regardless of whether this works, the pendulum told us that it was a boy.

She had just graduated from college. I had good insurance. Life was good. Until... 8 weeks after her last menstrual cycle things turned ugly. My wife had gone to the bathroom and had discovered light blood spotting on the toilet paper. We were very worried and called the doctor. They told us that this was normal and nothing to be alarmed of but to call back if it got worse. And, it did get worse. We were up most of the night. She was bleeding quite badly. We had the doctor paged. Her doctor was not in but there was another doctor on call.

The doctor on call told us that there was nothing that they could do and that if it was a miscarriage that it'd run its course regardless. We were told that we could go to the emergency room but that it'd probably be better to just wait until morning and go into his office. We couldn't stand waiting, not knowing if something could be done, so we opted to go to the emergency room anyway. It was a long, surreal night. To my surprise, the doctor on call had made a special trip to the emergency room to meet with us. There, we had a sonogram and other tests run. We had taken a sample of her discharged flesh in a baggy and gave it to the nurses to run tests on. I'm glad that we did because it meant my wife didn't need to be "scraped out". The night was excruciating. The hardest part was not knowing what was happening or why. Needless to say, we lost the baby. And, the experience hurt tremendously.

We were told that 1 in 6 pregnancies ends in miscarriage. They said that up until recently, most women would not have even known that they were pregnant. They'd have thought that their period was late and unusually heavy. We were told that they usually do not recommend testing for causes until after the third miscarriage. The reason for miscarriages, they said, was usually a chromosomal problem and that it was the body's natural way of eliminating fetuses that would be born with defects. I suppose this was supposed to make us feel better? It is somewhat like saying "your lucky your baby died because it might have been handicapped." Regardless, the doctor was actually very helpful and seemed to care a great deal about us and our situation.

Both she and I suffered as if we had lost a close family member... Which is exactly what had happened. A few days later, we decided that our baby needed a name. We named it Brendon Jacob. The gifts we had been given were boxed up along with my wife's pregnancy journal.

More to come....