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I took off of work to be with my wife. We went into the doctor's office and did an ultrasound/sonogram, or whatever it is called. The placed the device up inside of her and showed us our baby on the screen. It had a hart beat. We were told that the heart beat showed that the baby was doing alright. They didn't think that there would be a miscarriage this time. She was given a prescription for progesterone. We then took our sonogram pictures and went home. Late that night (or early morning), I awoke to screaming. It was a bone chilling scream. One that will haunt me to the end of my days. My wife was losing the baby. A large blood clot went into the toilet. I fetched it out with a spaghetti strainer and placed it into a baggy. We went to the doctor's office first thing in the morning. A sonogram showed no heart beat and no baby this time. The flesh within my baggy was given to them to run more tests on.
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We were told that we had an option to do a series of tests on the fetus and ourselves to determine the cause of the miscarriage. But, they also told us that they usually do not run any of these tests until after miscarriage number three. I understand that chance plays a role here, but I think it is absurd to risk yet another young. We did not want to go through a third attempt miscarriage if it could be avoided. So, I told them to run every test that the insurance would cover. We definitely didn't want to go through this again if it could be avoided.
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A week later, we got our test results. We made an appointment to see the doctor. When we got there, he had a "medical emergency" happening and was on his way out to go to an emergency room. He told us he couldn't meet with us. But, then, he decided to see us briefly. We had about a 10 minute talk about the findings. It was very rushed, but I recall just about every word. My DNA was fine. But, my wife's showed a chromosome mutation on one of her MTHFR genes. This is a blood clotting disorder that he believed was causing blood clots to form in the placenta. He seemed to think that a baby aspirin a day could have saved our baby. He also said that they might prescribe Heperine (a stronger blood thinner) when we got pregnant again. I wish we had made another appointment to discuss in more detail, but we didn't. Instead, I spent many long hours reading about this clotting disorder on the internet.
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Outside of the pregnancy issue, the disorder poses some other risks. It means my wife has a higher chance of developing cardiovascular disorders and strokes later in life. However, since she only had the mutation on one of her X chromosomes, rather than both, that the increased risk was not even as great as that of a tobacco smoker.
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Upon hearing this news, my wife became seriously depressed. The depression lasted about six months. I think she felt inferior and considered herself "defective". She took a defeatist attitude, thinking that she could never have a healthy baby. She kept telling me that she was a failure. She said that not only could she not bare children, but that she couldn't find a job. I'm not sure if she understood that I too was mourning, just not in the same way. I constantly tried to remind her that knowing the cause meant that we could treat it the next time around. We finally had the information that would allow us to protect the baby. Something as simple as an aspirin a day could save the next one. I felt that we could beat this thing. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. But, she seemed to only see darkness. I worried that she might become suicidal. She wasn't working and didn't seem to have a desire to do much of anything. I tried my best to help. But, all I could really do is tell her that I'd be here for her. Her depression was making it difficult for me to stay positive. I felt like we were both going down further and further.
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In July, I got a promotion at work. This boosted my mood a little bit. In August, my wife got a job teaching at a middle school. It wasn't exactly the job she wanted, but it was a job none-the-less. The work kept her so busy that she didn't have time to brood over negative things. While the work was stressful, I think it was exactly what she needed to take her out of the rut she'd been wallering in.
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With regards to this miscarriage, we thought that we should give the child a name. The name we chose came from a dream of mine that I had while my wife was pregnant. The following is a document that I wrote to honor her and the name we chose:
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Emily Elizabeth _____
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Conceived March 17th, 2005
Lost April 26, 2005
Expected Birth December 9th, 2005.
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Conceived March 17th, 2005
Lost April 26, 2005
Expected Birth December 9th, 2005.
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Emily - Ambitious. From the Roman family name Aemilius, which was derived from Latin aemulus meaning "rival".
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Elizabeth - From Elisabet, the Greek form of the Hebrew name Elisheba meaning "my God is an oath" or perhaps "my God is abundance". In the New Testament this is the name of the mother of John the Baptist.
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Shortly before her conception, her father... had a dream. In this dream, he held a beautiful, curly haired, baby girl. Her name was “Emily Elizabeth”. The dream seemed very real and was thought to be a possible premonition. It was a name that he and (his wife) had not previously discussed. Lovingly, (he) began referring to the baby in (her) belly as “Emily Elizabeth”. (She), at first, thought it a bit strange, as “Emily Elizabeth” is the name of the little girl from the serious of books called Clifford The Big Red Dog. But, deep down, we both loved the name.
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We were ambitious in our attempt to conceive Emily. And, through this attempt, we learned about the single MTHFR gene and how it had caused blood clots in the placenta. Through EmilyÂ’s sacrifice, her siblings may live. We are grateful for her contribution.
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We never met you, but we will miss you.
Emily - Ambitious. From the Roman family name Aemilius, which was derived from Latin aemulus meaning "rival".
.
Elizabeth - From Elisabet, the Greek form of the Hebrew name Elisheba meaning "my God is an oath" or perhaps "my God is abundance". In the New Testament this is the name of the mother of John the Baptist.
.
Shortly before her conception, her father... had a dream. In this dream, he held a beautiful, curly haired, baby girl. Her name was “Emily Elizabeth”. The dream seemed very real and was thought to be a possible premonition. It was a name that he and (his wife) had not previously discussed. Lovingly, (he) began referring to the baby in (her) belly as “Emily Elizabeth”. (She), at first, thought it a bit strange, as “Emily Elizabeth” is the name of the little girl from the serious of books called Clifford The Big Red Dog. But, deep down, we both loved the name.
.
We were ambitious in our attempt to conceive Emily. And, through this attempt, we learned about the single MTHFR gene and how it had caused blood clots in the placenta. Through EmilyÂ’s sacrifice, her siblings may live. We are grateful for her contribution.
.
We never met you, but we will miss you.
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